Our Weddings Vows

On behalf of Benjamin and Jessica, I’d like to welcome all of you here today to witness their marriage and to celebrate the covenant they are about to make. Today is the culmination of a lot of planning, prayer and emotion. But more importantly, it is a celebration of the fact that these two will no longer travel through life alone.

Their Story: Benjamin, Jessica, before you take your vows today, I’d like to remind you of the unique paths that each of you have walked, which have led you to this moment. Now, when I usually do a wedding, I’ll begin with how the couple first met, but as I talked with both of you separately about your lives, I noticed an interesting parallel.

Both of you had rowdy pasts; both of you lived lives in the fast lane, lives that were marked by sex and drugs and the social scene. But even then, you were both searching for something, something that would ease the sense of emptiness you felt in your heart, something that would make you feel whole, complete.
Benj, you thought you’d find completeness through success - in climbing the social ladder and accumulating the best of what the world had to offer: you worked in the best clubs, drove the fastest cars, dated the most attractive girls, and had a body-builder’s physique. Yet, you told me that even though you had everything that your heart had desired, you still felt a sense of emptiness, and despair. You thought "if this is all there is to life, what’s the point?"

Jessica, you tried to dull the ache in your heart through gaining acceptance and love anywhere you could find it. You were a regular in the OC party scene and you began to sell drugs both as a way to support yourself, and as a way to gain acceptance. And people accepted you alright. While you were dealing, your phone was constantly ringing and you were everyone’s friend. Yet, in the back of your mind you knew that this wasn’t true friendship, this wasn’t true love. You knew that the moment you stopped dealing, your phone would stop ringing, that your "friends" would quickly drift away.

I know that what I’ve shared isn’t exactly what any of you expected to hear at a wedding. It’s the kind of stuff we normally try to forget about and focus on the joy of the moment. But we can only fully appreciate the paths that have led you to this point today by taking into account where you started from. Something radical happened in both of your lives that completely altered the course of your journeys. You both met someone that addressed the emptiness that you felt inside, someone that completed you in a way that you’d all but given up hope of experiencing. That person is not the one standing in front of you. You both met Jesus Christ, and when you met him, your lives were forever changed.

Jess, my wife and I met you just a couple weeks after you had invited Jesus into your heart and asked him to be in control of your life. You came to our Bible study with a whole slew of questions and a refreshing willingness to ask for answers rather than pretending that you had it all figured out. Jess, over the last five years, my wife and I have watched you literally grow up, from a girl who questioned every choice she was going to make and looked to others to tell her who she was, into a confident woman who knows who she is and whom others look to for leadership and advice.

Benjamin, your choice to follow Christ led you to leave the club scene and to follow your heart. You accepted a job in a brain-clinic here in Newport Beach and, although that job quickly fell through, you found Rock Harbor and Jessica in the process. Both of you admit that, when you first met, there was a stirring in your heart that you’d never felt with anyone before. Jes, you knew the moment that you saw Benjamin at RH that he was the one, even though you hadn’t spoken a word with him. Benjamin, you took a little longer to come around. Yet, you found yourself drawn to Jessica, you took any and every chance to spend time with her. In fact, in the first week you guys knew one another, you hung out on five of the seven days.

Benjamin, you admitted to me that part of the reason you took so long to commit to a relationship was because you were skeptical about whether you could ever experience real love; Choices in your past had left so many scars on your heart that you were afraid that you’d never be able to genuinely fall in love.You held out for as long as you could, but one day Jessica finally called you out and asked you for a DTR (Define The Relationship). Realizing the gravity of this conversation, you spent time in your room praying and, as you were praying you suddenly realized that you loved her. And when you called her to tell her so, you couldn’t put two words together. It was as if God had healed your heart; restored your innocence - you were like a little boy who was falling in love for the first time.

Now, some of you only know the Benj and Jess from their rowdy days. Perhaps you’re skeptical whether this whole "God thing" is for real, whether they’re really that different. Let me give you one example.A couple months into their dating relationship, Benj and Jes found themselves falling back into the same patterns that they’d had in previous relationships. Even though they weren’t sexually active, they found themselves getting more physical than they wanted to and they realized that it was keeping them from really getting to know one another (every time they started talking, they’d quickly move to making out, and that’s the end of the conversation). So they decided to take drastic measures. They chose to stop kissing until the day that they got married (which at that time wasn’t a sure thing). They made that decision 11 and a half months ago and, except for the night Benj proposed and the day they took engagement photos, they haven’t shared so much as a peck (not prescribing that for everyone, but they took this seriously).

I share all of that background for a couple reasons: First, I share it to highlight just how much of an impact both Benj and Jes’ decisions to give their lives to God have had on them. The people that stand before you today aren’t the same people that many of you knew growing up. I share their journey because, as they are preparing to say vows to one another and embark on a new journey as husband and wife, perhaps there are some of you out there that are being invited into a new journey of your own; perhaps some of you have been suffering from a sense of emptiness inside, a desire for something that will make you complete, whole. And perhaps, like Benj and Jess did, you’ve sought to deaden that ache or satisfy that need with everything the world has to offer, but it hasn’t been enough. If that describes you, then I’d like to introduce you to the one who has radically transformed Benjamin and Jessica’s lives; the one who made them complete: I’d like to invite you to get to know Jesus Christ. The first step is simply to invite Jesus to begin revealing himself to you.

It’s as easy as praying this prayer and meaning it: Jesus, I have lots of questions and I don’t fully understand all this, but I’m tired of trying to kill this feeling of emptiness inside, I’m sick of feeling incomplete, and I invite you to work on me. If you’re real, I want to know you. Please come into my life and walk with me.
Beginning a relationship with Jesus is that simple, but just like marriage, this relationship isn’t just about the vows. It’s about choosing to walk with Him for life. I imagine that you probably have tons of reservations and questions that you’d like answered, just like both Benj and Jess did, and I’d be glad to talk to you at any point after this ceremony.

The second reason I shared your story is that I want you two to see just how intentionally God has been preparing you both for one another. Had you met when you were both still searching for something to complete you and to dull the empty ache in your hearts, your relationship would have looked radically different. You would have both entered into this relationship with a demand that the other person wouldn’t have the ability to meet: complete me!

But God had another plan; when you both placed your trust in Him and chose to follow Jesus with your lives, you became complete. That emptiness inside was filled, and you became whole. Thus, rather than coming into this marriage demanding that your spouse complete you, you can bring your whole self into the marriage and allow God to use the other to continue to shape and refine you.
The Bible says that "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
The person that stands in front of you is God’s sharpening stone. You will share the greatest joys as well as the deepest sorrows with each other. There is no one in this world who will know you more intimately; no one on earth who will have the ability to make you as happy or as frustrated as your spouse. Benj and Jess, God has been busy shaping and refining you over the last several years, getting you ready for one another, but this is in no way the end of the refinement process. If anything, it’s just the beginning.But this is where you can each serve one another in a very tangible way: rather than acting as one another’s critic, pointing out the flaws and demanding change, I charge both of you to act as each other’s cheerleader affirming the good that you see in one another and being a source of encouragement when the road you walk together is tough and disheartening.
There’s one last thing before you take your vows:
Chuppa – Jewish way of recognizing God’s presence at a wedding. The covenant you make today isn’t simply with one another, but with God as well. He’s been present and active in your lives throughout your entire relationship and it is with God’s help that your relationship will be able to withstand any trials you encounter. Furthermore, Jesus pointed out that what God has joined together, no man has the authority to separate. In other words, there is no backdoor to marriage. What you are forming here today is not only a legal union, but a spiritual one as well.

With that said, Benj and Jessica, if what I am about to read is the true intention of your heart, please respond by saying: "I do."

Benjamin, having an understanding of both the benefits and responsibilities of marriage, do you take Jessica to be your wife? Do you promise to love her in good seasons as well as hard ones, comfort her when she’s hurting, forgive her when she errs, and care for her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others to be committed only to her for as long as you both shall live?

Jessica, having an understanding of both the benefits and responsibilities of marriage, do you take Benjamin to be your husband? Do you promise to love him in good seasons as well as hard ones, comfort him when he’s hurting, forgive him when he errs, and care for him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others to be committed only to him for as long as you both shall live?

In light of this, are you are you ready to take your wedding vows?
Benjamin, please repeat after me:
I, Benjamin, take you Jessica,
To be my wife
To have & to hold from this day forward
For better, for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness & in health
Until God calls us home
I pledge my love to you
Jessica, please repeat after me:
I, Jessica, take you Benjamin,
To be my husband
To have & to hold from this day forward
For better, for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness & in health
Until God calls us home
I pledge my love to you
Rings:
Benjamin, repeat after me:
Jessica,
I give you this ring
As a token of my love for you
And as a pledge
To love you for as long as I live.

Jessica, repeat after me:
Benjamin,
I give you this ring
As a token of my love for you
And as a pledge
To love you for as long as I live.